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Creepypasta Wiki talk:Deleted Page/Jeff the Killer/@comment-4599433-20131106144505
As an aspiring screenwriter myself, I've read this story thousands of times, and I would like to make a movie out of the stories, but I can agree to what the other readers are saying about this. If you want to make something realistic to the viewers, you should at least provide things that makes it real to the readers themselves. For instance, the chances of kids who are 13 to be carrying around guns are unlikely, unless if they were deranged people or were involved in a gang then that's understandable. Now, let's say if we made Jeff along with Randy and the gang a bit older by circa 3 or 4 years older then maybe the story would make better sense. Also with the idea of Randy, Keith and Troy having guns and pocket knives, it seems to be realistic because the fact of the matter is that there were crimes that kids between 11-17 would commit using firearms or pocket knives, but that's just me knowing the facts. Also there are some plots missing out in the story to like, how did Jeff get those feelings of "something tugging at his mind"? That part seems to be missing in the story to make it known that he had it at one point in his childhood but dismissed it for a while until it comes back to haunt him again. Secondly is when Lui confessed that he hurt one of the kids that him and Jeff encountered at the bus stop so Jeff wouldn't get the blame. Where is the scene where Lui is sent to jail? No trial? Where is it at? That is one part that throws the reader off with Lui only being taken away by the cops with no court trial of any sort. Another part that throws off the reader is with Jeff's mom saying that Randy confesses about what happened to Lui that he was the one who sent Lui to jail. It makes the reader believe that Randy never died from Jeff's attacks and that he rose from the dead to tell all about it...now if it were to make sense, it would be that one of the parents heard what Randy said and reported to the police to what they heard Randy said before his demise. Also it maybe unlikely that Randy and the gang would come up at a kid's party to start a fight with Jeff...seems kinda unrealistic and not most likely to happen in a real life situation but there could be a chance...again, please do some research on these kinds of stuff. Lastly, I love how the picture depicts how the story is going to be like to the readers, and if you have an image like that you have to make your story just as scary and realistic like the photograph. Like I've said to myself, if you got an image that would scare people, then the story you write will be just as scary. That is all I wish to say about it...overall I'd give it a 6/10 as a screenwriter's point of view. Also if possible I would love to talk to the creator of the article to see if I can make a movie out of the series and maybe tweek it a bit to make it scarier on the big screen :) Much love Eris Morella